There is something special about the relationship that a mother shares with her daughter. A daughter looks to her mother to learn the ways of womanhood. She learns both behaviors taught and observed.
A mother has a special gift in her daughter. She has a vessel in which to pour the wisdom gleaned from her mistakes and successes. She can teach her daughter how to handle situations with care and grace. All the while, watching her daughter blossom into a beautiful woman like a well-nurtured flower.
Could you hear the violins playing in the background?
(That was probably my own personal instrumental delusion)
Anyway, this special gift that I’m describing comes with a disclaimer. I like to call it the Intentionality Clause. I have one on all of my children, but the one for my daughter seems to be a bit more extensive.
This clause states that in order to have your beautiful flower flourish into what you envision, you must cultivate it. Meaning planning your vision and then take small actionable steps regularly to bring your plan to fruition.
Here’s an example of what I mean by that.
If you want your daughter to have a love of God then you must actually teach her to do so. Teach her to tell God that she loves him when she says her prayers. You may also read the Bible to her, being mindful to point out how much God loves her using the information to illustrate your point.
In addition to teaching her to love God, you’d also have to demonstrate the love of God in your actions. She might notice you in prayer or observe how you handle situations with grace in your everyday life.
With this type of intentionality in mind, scheduling regular mother-daughter time together is a great way to create meaningful experiences and valuable teaching moments.
“You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” -Deuteronomy 6:7
Mother-Daughter Time Traditions
Here’s how you can create special time just for the two of you.
If you have multiple daughters, it’s great to spend time with them together. However, creating special time with each of them individually will provide the unique experience desired in today’s conversation.
1. Have goals in mind for your time together
In the planning stages for your time together, it’s beneficial to have the end-game in mind to assist you in crafting the blueprint.
For example, when I started our Mother-Daughter Day, one of my goals was to get my daughter to communicate with me more. She’s a teenager now and spent a lot of time talking with friends or goofing off with her brothers and dad.
With this in mind, I decided that our time would be spent out of the house and away from the phone so that she felt free to talk candidly with me and not have to worry about any boys listening in.
Another goal that I wanted for our time together was to help her grow in her relationship with Christ. This knowledge helped led me to ask her if she’d like to do a bible study during our time together. Other questions that you may like to consider are:
- Will you spend money on activities or supplies? If so is there a budget?
- Will you include any practical parenting into your time? For example, intentionally teaching table etiquette, social etiquette, manners, community service/volunteering, etc.
- Will your time include bible principles?
- Will you discuss topics such as women’s issues, puberty issues, friendships, boys, etc.?
- Will you incorporate a rotating list of activities or decide as you go?
Once you have the groundwork for your time together tentatively established, you are ready to move on to structuring your new tradition.
2. Pre-determine how often and how much time is going to be allotted
I didn’t consult my daughter on the frequency of our time together personally. I decided we would meet weekly because our relationship seemed to need that. However, I do suggest consulting with your daughter about it, I’ll talk more about why shortly.
I decided to schedule our time on Saturday’s because we have another fun tradition you can read about here, which frees up a lot of time on this day.
Once we began our new tradition, we naturally seemed to settle on a 2 1/2 – 3 hour block of time mid-day.
This may be different for your depending on circumstances, you may want to meet once per month, especially if you plan to do costly activities together each time. Or you may want to meet more frequently if you’re meeting at home. Either way, having a consistent timeframe lends itself to having an established, embedded, and rewarding tradition for you and your daughter.
3. Incorporate a fun activity into your time
One of my goals for our time together was to help my daughter with her time-management skills. She is one of those artsy people that can get into her craft and lose all sense of everything else…bless her heart.
I decided to incorporate planner organization and decorating into our time together. We decided to invest in the Happy Planner System because she loves all things artsy and I like not having to endure her teen-tantrums when she misses or forgets important dates and events.
The planner time has worked out great! Once every month we sit at a coffee house or the classroom at Michael’s and work on our planners.
We also plan fun activities such as shopping, manicures/pedicures, driving lessons, crafts, movies, facials, trail walks, photography, and eating out. Let your imagination run free!
Our time is divided into two sections. The first hour we usually spend over a latte or smoothie at and we do planners and bible study. The second hour is our fun hour, which usually goes over, but we just focus on enjoying our time together.
4. Include her in the decision-making process
I think as humans we just appreciate being included. No matter the age of your daughter, let her know that you value her opinion by allowing her to help you plan out your time together. It’ll help her be much more vested in the process and contribute to conversations more readily as well.
Here are some questions you can ask her to get the juices flowing:
What types of things would you like to do together?
Where would you like to visit?
What makes you happiest?
What was the best time you ever spent with me?
5. Try to be consistent
All children look forward to spending time with their parents. You will find that your daughter will look forward to this tradition and will be disappointed when you can’t keep the date.
I have had to miss a few of our dates together. My daughter was very disappointed. I sincerely apologized for it. I think apologizing demonstrates humbleness to our children and teach them the appropriate response when we err because we are all human, even moms.
6. Have Fun!
The best part about this new mother-daughter tradition is that you will be making a lifetime of memories together. Remember that the main goal is to enjoy your time together, so make it fun!
She will always remember the special time that she had with you and how much she looked forward to that time together. Who knows, It may be the foundation for your time with her as she begins her own family.
Imagine future shopping trips together for your newborn grandchildren. Brunches together to discuss marriage and career goals. Phone calls to share the ups and the downs, all due to your intentional planning and actions.
Blessings, Happy Homemaking!